Where Did the Idea of Marriage Come From?

A white wedding in a church with a horse and carriage may be every young woman's dream, however the concept of marriage as a union between a man and woman (and sometimes between men and women - note the plural) has its roots several thousand years before Christianity. Marriage is also a universal concept which has developed in numerous cultures around the world even though they have not had direct contact with each other.

So how has the idea of a man and woman setting up a union come about?

First off, where did the word marriage come from? Well "marriage" first originated in the English language in the mid-13th Century, and came from the Old French "marier" but, the French themselves had stolen it from the Romans - "maritare" being Latin for "to marry".

Where Did the Idea of Marriage Come From?

The oldest written reference to the institution of marriage comes from Hammurabi's Code of Ancient Mesopotamia (broadly covering modern day Iraq), and where the first permanent cities were established. This takes us back to around 1800 B.C., almost 4,000 years ago, however the custom of marriage certainly pre-dates even this.

Marriage came to Europe via the Ancient Greeks, but there were no set rules or procedures to be followed to create a lawful union. All that was required was mutual consent of bride and groom and that both acknowledged each other as their respective spouse. It is from the Spartans (of the 300 fame) who started the European tradition for men to marry in their 30's and women as early as possible. The logic was that the men would have completed (and survived) military service (and this was a time when living to your 40's was considered to be "old age"), while for women, if you wanted a virgin when you married it was considered best to marry a woman as young as possible.

More importantly, the Ancient Greeks also set the very clear pattern of marrying for position, wealth and power. The idea you married because you loved someone was irrelevant - sentimentality or feelings did not come into what was a commercial transaction between families looking to advance or protect their own positions. Upon becoming a wife, a Greek woman lost practicality all of her rights which has taken over 2,000 years to reverse (and is still continuing in most parts of the world today).

The neighboring Romans adopted the custom from the Greeks, though they added a further layer of legality and ceremony to the concept. There were several different forms of marriage in the Roman Empire and which version was used depended on whether the woman was to join her husband's family or remain associated with her own. A "free" marriage allowed the wife to own her own property and retain her own family's name, but more importantly, she (and her original family) kept any property she owned or inherited within her own family. It was more traditional for a woman to be simply "transferred" to her husband and his family; the wife lost her right to inherit property from her old family and found herself under the total authority of her husband and his family.

Christianity arose out of the ashes of the Roman Empire, however it was not until this radical, new religion was over 100 years old that the idea of a religious implication was developed in connection with marriage. Until then, and for a long time afterwards, Christians married in much the same way as everyone else - a family arrangement, usually negotiated without any pretense of emotion or love between the parties. As Christianity gained traction in the Roman Empire, it became clear that this "moral" religion should take a stand that marriage should bein accordance with the laws of God and not simply an expedient business deal.

By the 12th Century, it had become compulsory for wives to take their husband's surname and additional layers of legality and ceremony were added. By the mid-16th Century, the bride and groom had to have the consent of a number of people to get married - usually their parents and the Church, but if you were a noble or a landowner, you may have needed the permission of the King! The Church's permission was integrated into the ritual because it opposed the formation of marriages by children, sometimes even babies, by their families. We ought to thank the Church for the fact that free-will became an established feature of modern Western marriage. Before the Church, you married who your parents or patriarch told you to marry!

Where Did the Idea of Marriage Come From?
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