Ethiopian Wedding Traditions

Wedding traditions are not standard around the world, rather they vary enormously. Some wedding traditions appear unusual to different people of various backgrounds while they are standard to others.

In Ethiopia, just like Toronto, the parents of the groom and bride often organize Christian marriages and they involve much negotiation. There are many such talks where parties do not come to a consensus regarding various issues. By the time the marriage takes place, the bride is expected to be a virgin according to their cultures and traditions. If the bride is not a virgin by the time she gets married, this will bring much shame to the family because the bride's virginity is considered to be of high value and pride in Christian marriage. It symbolizes purity and patience on the bride's part. In particular, rural women have a tendency to marry at a tender age in comparison to their husbands.

Unlike Toronto weddings, the custom in Ethiopia was initially for the bridegroom to wait until he attained the age of thirty for him to marry. This was done in accordance to the biblical example of Jesus where he begun his public ministry at the age of thirty. As per the tradition, the groom's parents take the responsibility of getting their son a bride. This is very different as compared to Toronto weddings. To ensure that there is no chance of the families being related by blood, the groom's parents engage in an investigation before they contact the bride's parents. Once the investigations are through and there is no relationship, the parents of the groom proceed to make contact through a mediator with the prospective bride's parents. This mediator visits the potential bride's home and asks her parents if their daughter will marry the other parent's son.

Ethiopian Wedding Traditions

Often, the bride's parents impose conditions and the mediator takes a message to the groom's parents to arrange a meeting at an allocation that is mutually convenient to both parties. If both parents reach a positive agreement, the man and woman are regarded engaged. The parents and all the wedding expenses taken care of by them then set a wedding date. The first time the bride and groom ever set eyes on one other is on the wedding day. This is similar to most Toronto weddings. Both sets of parents invite the guests and prepare drinks and food for them. The groom has to go take his future to be from her matrimonial home. At the wedding ceremony full of song and dancing, just like Toronto ceremonies, the groom gets a dowry from the bride's parents normally in form, of cattle and money.

When the ceremony ends, the groom takes the bride to his parents' house where he has three days to take the bride's virginity. Depending on the economic capabilities of the groom's parents' the honeymoon can last from one week to three months' at the groom's parent's house where the best man or men can accompany them. After this, they go to the brides' parent's house for a set time together with the best man/men. While on the honeymoon, the bride can only go out after sunset, but not at daytime.

Ethiopian Wedding Traditions
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Resentment - A Marriage Destroyer

Resentment? What's that? According to Readers Digest Family Thesaurus, resentment means bad feelings, anger, outraged spirit, crossness, bad temper, dungeon huff, ill will, rancor, bitterness, sourness, wounded pride, hurt feelings, displeasure, animosity.

Do any of these feelings sound familiar? Do you harbor any of these feelings about your spouse? It's true, we do feel negative at times, and it is because we're hurting. We hurt because we allowed someone to hurt us. There is nothing wrong with you for having these feelings. What's wrong though, is when we harbor negative feelings inside of ourselves and don't do any thing about it.

When we don't voice our feelings in a proper manner, or not at all, it will carry a negative affect on our self and those around us.

Resentment - A Marriage Destroyer

Examples of how not expressing our self properly will harbor resentment.

(1) A husband resents his wife for gaining weight. He pokes fun at her in front of their friends and sometimes won't make love to her. Because of his behavior, she thinks he doesn't love her anymore and she is hurt and resentful.

Jabbing fun at your spouse because they have gained weight is cruel and demeaning. They may lose weight for you, but eventually gain it all back because they didn't do it for themselves. Try and back off for a while-give your spouse a chance to decide what they want to do for them self.

(2) A wife is angry and resentful because her husband spends too much time with his buddies. When he finally does come home at night, she constantly nags at him about anything and everything and he ignores her and walks away feeling resentful.

Constantly complaining and nagging at your husband isn't going to bring him home any sooner. If you're going to nag, don't say anything at all. Get your mind occupied with something other than the fact your husbands out with his buddies instead of home with you. When he does come home, let him see you doing something you enjoy for yourself and that you aren't going to let his behavior bother you anymore. In other words, ladies, don't let your husband think you have nothing else better to do with your time, then sit around and brood over him. Continue on with the evening and forget about it. Afterwards, you'll feel so good about yourself you won't even feel resentful anymore!

Many issues like those above effect couples all the time. The goal here is to express how we feel about certain issues BEFORE they turn into resentment.

Sometimes what happens between couples is they choose to hold onto the hurt rather than express themselves. Subconsciously we do this thinking we're actually hurting our spouse, like a form of getting them back. But in reality we're only causing more of an emotional problem within our self. And we don't want that.

A healthy, growing marriage relies on both couples feeling good about who they are. In that respect there is no room for that bad feeling called resentment.

We blame our spouse for our feelings of resentment, and spend a lot of energy trying to change them into something we think will make us feel better about ourselves. But unfortunately, we find ourselves unfulfilled and wallowing in even more resentment because of it.

This is so detrimental to the marriage. These feelings can literally cause couples to think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, but it is only a mirage, folks. The grass is not greener over there. In fact, your grass could be green again too, if only you would cultivate it better.

It's all up to you. We have choices, and we're adults! The bottom line is this, we cannot change our spouse, and we cannot expect our spouse to make us happy! Know it and believe it!

I have compiled a small list of issues that can and will turn into resentment in the home. These things are only the branches that have their roots from the tree of life. The branches are dying parts of the tree that if not attended to like a baby needs milk will eventual shrivel up and die. Take care of your marriage.

The wife says,

He spends too much money
Spends too much time at work
Spends too much time watching TV
Womanizes & has affairs
Controlling
Jealousy
Abusive (mentally and Physically)
Drinks too much
Unhelpful around the house and with the kids

The husbands says,

She spends too much time at work
Spends too much time with the kids
Spends too much time with her family, and or friends
Too religious
Nags and complains
Dresses better for others
Spends too much money
Gains weight
Cold and rigid
Too controlling

What you can do for yourself? These issues can be dealt with by proper communication and the willingness to forgive the faults and errs of your spouse.

(1) Be assertive, but kind, and express your boundaries

(2) Forgive your spouse and let go of resentment you have towards them

(3) Communicate by listening more - ask questions.

(4) Express true feelings without being afraid that you won't be loved

(5) Stop focusing on how to change your mate, but focus on how you can change yourself

(6) Find and nurture the spiritual aspect of your character

Number six entails greater understanding into the nature and design of God. In my newly released book, Journey on the Roads Less Traveled, I explain the concepts associated with understanding the spiritual self and utilizing the spiritual tools that God gives us to nurture our self and spouse. For more information on this unique Christian book, please see my websites.

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Fix Your Marriage Crisis In 5 Steps

Is your marriage in crisis? If it is, there are certainly a few things you do in the hope of saving it. This article will let you know just a few of the things you can do to make a positive difference.

How To Fix Your Marriage Crisis 1

Understand that happiness comes within. If you are one of those people that says "my partner doesn't make me happy", maybe you should consider for a moment why you thought they would? True happiness comes from within, and unless your partner is a true horror of humanity, a thoroughly unpleasant person, chances are the only reason you are unhappy is because of something inside yourself, some unfulfilled potential or hidden dream.

Fix Your Marriage Crisis In 5 Steps

How To Fix Your Marriage Crisis 2

Unify your home. Talk over how you picture your home in your mind. It's important to agree on this, as if you both aspire to making the home a different way, it's going to cause long term conflict. The typical example is the man wanting his home to look like his home, with his things where he can get at them etc, and the woman wanting everything neatly filed away at all times like a show home. You need to compromise together, as it's not really fair for either of you to expect the other to live how you want them to.

How To Fix Your Marriage Crisis 3

Never compare your relationship to one from the past, or your partner to a past partner. This is never good. Firstly, no two relationships are alike. They can't be, as every couple has so many fine points of interaction, it would literally be impossible to replicate with a different person in the mix. It's like comparing your pet dog to a goldfish you used to have. Ridiculous.

How To Fix Your Marriage Crisis 4

Arrange some together time. It doesn't even need to be a particularly large amount of time, the point is that it should be just the two of you and no distractions. No TV, no company, just the two of you. This will help you retain a sense of how to interact with each other.

How To Fix Your Marriage Crisis 5

Actively reminisce about past times. The good times you have shared can act like the glue that bonds you together, and it can be genuinely good fun to talk about the past and exciting things you have done together. Another plus point to this is that the more exciting and fun things you do with each other, the more stuff you will have to reminisce about. Bonus!

As you've seen, having a marriage crisis doesn't necessarily mean you are going to have to divorce. These tips can help you through. Check out the links below for some of the best marriage advice around.

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Marriage Records - How Can I Find Out If Someone Got Married?

How do I find out if someone is married?

Are you thinking about someone that you haven't seen in a long time? If you are then you might be wondering what's been happening to them. Where is he or she now? What have they been doing? did they ever get married?

If you used to get on well with this person then you might be wondering if you have a chance of getting together with them for a romantic encounter or even something more permanent. If this is the case then you should do a little homework on them before you make your moves. You could save yourself a lot of time, energy and embarrassment by taking just a little time to check them out. I'm going to show you how you can easily find out whether they are married or not later in this article.

Marriage Records - How Can I Find Out If Someone Got Married?

How do I find a person that I haven't seen in a long time?

If you've lost touch with the person you are dreaming about then your first problem is "how do you find someone that you haven't heard from in a long time?" This might be simple enough if you know where they live and they haven't moved. You might even know their telephone number and finding them is as easy as just dialing the number. You might also have some friends in common that you can ask. They could have all the information you need.

If you are still having difficulty finding your lost friend then you can look them up online by using a public records database like the one in the articles mentioned below.

Find out if they are married before you make first contact

Even if you have your lost friend's contact details you might want to find out something about them before you pick up the phone. If you are thinking of asking them out for a drink or something then you definitely must find out if he got married while you weren't looking first. If you know what their situation is then you'll know exactly what to say when they answer the phone and you won't feel silly if you find yourself talking to their spouse instead.

How to find out if someone got married when you meet again by chance

Not all reunions are planned. Sometimes it amazes me how small the world that you and I live in actually is. It wouldn't be the first time that long separated friends bump into each other in the street, fall in love and live happily ever after so it could easily happen to you and if it does then how can you find out if he's married without giving away your innermost feelings?

Look for a wedding band on their finger

This isn't a sure fire test because not everyone wears their wedding band all of the time. Especially if they have a tendency to stray from the nest when they aren't with their spouse. If they are wearing one then you can safely say that they are either married or that they are wearing one to frighten off anyone who might get any amorous ideas. Either way you should take it as a sign that they are not available.

If they aren't wearing a wedding band then that's a good sign but look closely at their finger. Can you see a light ring around their finger where the band has blocked out the sunlight? If you can then they might be playing around so be careful.

How can I find out if someone got married using online public records

Whatever the situation looks like it's always a good idea to find out as much as you can about someone before you get too involved with them, romantically or otherwise. It's so easy to do this today that you can't afford not to do an online background check on them. Using public records databases you can find out not only if they are married but also details about any criminal records, arrest warrants, addresses and a whole lot more.

Until recently checking someone out in this way would have been a painstaking exercise that you might have had to employ a private detective for but that's no longer the case. There are web sites that specialize in bringing together publicly available records from all over the place held in thousands of different databases and making them available to you to use in a convenient and confidential way. Don't hesitate, find out if your friend is married now.

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What To Do When Your Boyfriend Cheats On You - How to Rebuild Your Crushed Self-Confidence!

If you're wondering what to do if your boyfriend cheated on you, then you are feeling lost, confused, hurt, angry and heartbroken. These are all normal reactions to his betrayal, but what about your self confidence? Do you feel like your self esteem has been crushed and you keep questioning in your attractive enough, smart enough or successful enough? The overwhelming self doubts you are feeling can make you doubt everything about yourself.

Whether or not you have decided to break up with your boyfriend or try to rebuild the relationship, your self confidence is essential to overcoming this situation. It is not easy, but you will need a strong sense of inner-self confidence to move on with your life. Below are three steps to regaining your crushed self-esteem.

Step 1: Commit to Yourself

What To Do When Your Boyfriend Cheats On You - How to Rebuild Your Crushed Self-Confidence!

You can't rebuild your relationship or move past this period in your life until you salvage your self-confidence. You are the only one who can do this. You have to make a real commitment to yourself. We are our own worst critic and we know what bothers us the most.

Your health has definitely been impacted by your boyfriend's cheating. Many times finding out about an affair will leave us with no appetite and we lose weight. Maybe that's a good thing or maybe not. We can't sleep so we look and feel tired all the time. We forget to take proper care of ourselves and we spiral into an unhealthy lifestyle.

Step 2: Take Back Your Life

When we go through a major life crisis, everything else seems to fall by the wayside. We stop doing the things we love and we focus on getting through the day. Sometimes hour by hour. We stop spending time with your friends and family. We stop doing the hobbies we enjoy. We basically cocoon ourselves and focus on our inner pain.

That's a normal reaction, but it's not healthy. It's not easy to step out of our comfort zone, especially when we are overwhelmed and feel like the bottom has dropped out of our world. But start small. Plan an outing that you enjoy or start a project. Just don't make it about venting to your girlfriends. The point it to take back your life in small steps. It's still your life and you need to start living it again.

Step 3: Turn to the Experts

Getting past your boyfriend's affair may seem impossible. But the reality is that millions of women have been in your exact situation. There are experts out there that know exactly what you're going through and they can help you re-build your self confidence.

Don't think you need to do this alone. There are many experts on the subject and you will stop feeling so isolated and alone. There are support groups just waiting to help you. You can even do this all online, in the comfort and safety of your home. If your confused on what to do when your boyfriend cheats on you, just remember that your self-worth is crucial to your healing process.

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I Feel Like My Husband Doesn't Care About Me Anymore - Does My Marriage Even Stand a Chance?

I recently heard from a woman who outlined pretty dreadful living conditions with her husband. She described a spouse who had become pretty apathetic and cold. From the way that the wife described the situation, it seemed as if he either treated her with annoyance or pretended that she didn't exist. The wife said that they weren't even roommates anymore because "at least roommates talk to and interact with one another." According to the wife, she and her husband were not even doing that anymore.

But the wife said that none of this was her doing. She said that she had tried to talk to and interact with her husband. She insisted that she had tried asking that he be more kind or her and tried taking some of the initiative, but she indicated that he always responded poorly and that things only became worse. She wanted my opinion as to whether the marriage could be saved and if so, how she would go about accomplishing this.

I felt the level of kindness and communication would have to drastically change before we even worried about saving the marriage. You can't hope to transform your marriage if you aren't even speaking in a civil manner. So, in the following article, I'll share some of the insights that I offered the wife.

I Feel Like My Husband Doesn't Care About Me Anymore - Does My Marriage Even Stand a Chance?

Uncovering The Underlying Resentment And Anger That Was Contributing To The Husband's Non Caring Attitude: What was most troubling to the wife was the fact that not only was the husband being distant, but he gave her the impression that he didn't care at all if she were present or not. The wife felt sure that if she were sick or injured, he would not react one way or another. He never talked to her, asked about her well being, or implied that he cared about her in any way at all. It was as if he was annoyed by her mere existence. I had no way to be sure if this perception by her was completely accurate, but the perception of this alone was very troubling.

However, I know from experience that sometimes people will distance themselves and shut down their feelings as a defense mechanism or as the result of some underlying resentment or injury. I asked her if there was any external thing that had recently taxed the marriage or her husband on a personal level. She knew of nothing that might fit into this category. Her husband rarely shared what was going on in his life with her. She had no way to gauge what he was feeling and experiencing.

I felt strongly that she needed to lay this on the table and straight out ask him what was going on. He may well rebuff her or pretend that he didn't hear the question, but I felt that the attempt needed to be made. I wanted for her to sit him down when she was calm and he didn't seem overtly angry. I wanted for her to try her best to keep the emotion and accusatory tone out of her voice when she very calmly stated that she had noted a distance and an underlying anger in her husband that was troubling.

I did not want for her to talk to him in terms of "me." (In other words, I wanted her to avoid phrases like "this hurts me.") Instead, I wanted for her to focus on him. (Yes, this isn't entirely fair but it is one way to help ensure that he's listening and gives you a favorable response. People are often more willing to talk about what directly affects them.) So, she was to say something like "I'm noticing that you seem troubled and distracted. Is there anything that I can do to help or to make things better. Is there anything that I should know?"

The husband may well have scoffed and rebuffed this, but the wife would know that she had made the attempt and had opened the door to communication. Sometimes, you will get a sarcastic response that will give you real and concrete clues as to what is really going on and exactly what you should be addressing. Other times, you may not get your answer right away but this discussion will lay the foundation for your getting it later.

Giving Your Husband The Caring Attitude That You Want To Get: Have you ever heard the phrase "kill them with kindness?" On the surface, this phrase might seem silly and unrealistic, but I've seen it help many more times than I have seen it hurt. The basis of this plan is that you give them what you, yourself are hoping to get, knowing that by them getting what they need, they will eventually in turn give you what you need. So, if your goal was to get your husband to show you more caring and affection, you would first give him generous amounts of these things.

This can feel unfair or wrong at first, but it's the most effective way to get what you want in a way that leaves your integrity intact. In a sense, you are showing them exactly how you want for them to treat you and your actions will often begin to melt their hard exterior. Sometimes this is a process that takes a little while to begin having results, but it's better than becoming angry and arguing with someone who is not listening anyway.

Sometimes, this attempt does not work on the first try because the other spouse is determined to remain nasty and hurtful. In these cases, you will sometimes need to make it clear that you're not going to put yourself in a situation where you're repeatedly being hurt. In some cases, it becomes necessary to visit friends or family and to take a break for the situation to make it clear that you're not willing to remain the second class citizen in the marriage. You deserve kind and fair treatment as much as he does. Sometimes, it takes opening up the communication, acting in the way that you want him to act, or showing him that you won't continue on in the same way to finally spur on some change.

I did feel that the marriage had a chance if she was willing to shake things up a little bit. She confided that the husband had not always been unkind. In fact, in the past, he had been quite loving. The key was figuring out and then addressing what brought on his change of heart.

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My own husband became quite uncaring and unkind to me before he began to withdraw completely. Thank goodness I didn't let that stop me. I kept right on working on the marriage (by myself, since he wasn't interested at first.) Eventually, (though commitment and lots of effort), I was able to not only save the marriage, but make it stronger. So, it was very much worth the effort. You can read a very personal story of how I saved my marriage on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com

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How to Look Up Marriage Records For Free

If you want to know how to look up marriage records for free, go through this article and you will surprised just how easy it is. There could be a number of reasons that you might want to search marriage records. You might be trying to trace your ancestry or dating someone that you suspect is married or has been married before. There are a number of ways you can get this information.

You could try searching the local archives like the courthouse or the library. When you find what you are looking for you can request a copy of the document. This can be very time consuming. Especially if you have to search through large amounts of data, this could take days and if you want this information in a hurry this might not be your option.

Luckily for you there are sites that compile this data and constantly update it. You can access these sites. If you want to know how to look up marriage records for free, you can try check out one of them. To be able to benefit from these sites you should at least know what is contained in a marriage record. In a marriage record you will information about the couple.

How to Look Up Marriage Records For Free

The marriage record has the names of the couple and dates of birth. The names of the parents and the state that they were married in are also found there. If you can supply this information when you request the search this will make the search easier. But even if you just have a name only and a date of birth the search is still possible.

How to look up marriage records for free is not difficult if you know where to find the information. Check out one or two and give them a try.

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What Does it Mean If Your Wife Wants Space? It Doesn't Always Mean Your Marriage is Over!

Let's face it: Marriage problems suck. Sometimes it is really hard to navigate a relationship and make both people happy. In fact, a lot of the time it seems like you trade off happiness: sometimes you get what you want and you're happy, but sometimes your wife is happy and you are not. That is the nature of compromise, which is necessary in any long-term relationship. But what do you do if your wife doesn't seem to want to work on your marriage anymore? What does it mean if your wife wants space?

If your wife said she needs space or that she needs time to think, you are probably thinking the end is near. Sometimes this is true, but not always. Sometimes a woman just telling you that she needs time to think means exactly what she says. It isn't necessarily a bad thing to take some time to stop fighting and look at the situation for what it really is. Taking a break from a relationship or from fighting can help your wife clear her head and come back into the marriage willing to work things out and make things better.

What should you expect if your wife wants space? Whether it is a full-blown separation or even just a few days apart, the two of you should clearly outline the expectations you have for what will happen during this time. You should give her the space she needs, but do not make this time one-sided. Make sure that if the two of you start to work on your relationship that you also get what you need from her. While your wife is taking the space she needs, you should also be thinking about what you would like to change in your marriage so that you can be happy too.

What Does it Mean If Your Wife Wants Space? It Doesn't Always Mean Your Marriage is Over!

One word of caution: If your wife wants space and you do not clearly understand what that means, make sure that you ask her. Don't just give her free reign to do whatever she wants while the two of you are apart. Tell her exactly what you expect. If you don't want her going out and seeing other men, make sure that you tell her that. Explain to her that you respect her and want her to have the time she needs, and that you agree with her reasons for needing a break. But also remind her that you are still married, and you are willing to work on things but you aren't willing to give up your marriage yet.

What Does it Mean If Your Wife Wants Space? It Doesn't Always Mean Your Marriage is Over!
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For more ideas about what you should do if your wife tells you she wants space, check this out. The video at the top of the page will tell you exactly what to say to your wife to get her to want to save your marriage as much as you do.

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